StarKid Wiki

Dark, Sad, Lonely, Knight

141pages on
this wiki
Add New Page
Comments0 Share
That's What I Call StarKid! Volume 2
That's What I Call StarKid! Vol. 2
StarKid Company
Released April 13th, 2012
Label StarKid Productions

"Dark, Sad, Lonely, Knight" is a song from Holy Musical B@man! sung by Alfred (Chris Allen) and Batman (Joseph Walker). It is the first track on the "That's What I Call StarKid! Volume 2" album. A demo recording performed by Nick Gage and an instrumental version of the song can also be found on the album.


Alfred: Poor Master Bruce, poor Mr. Wayne

Lonely caboose on a one car train.

And it pains me to watch you amble along

This track of loneliness I laid down for you.

I remember that horrible night, the night you were split in two

And I swore I’d protect you (and I haven’t).

So I built a wall all around you, but the wall was too tall

And it blocked out all of the birds and the sun.

I tried to raise you right, I tried to raise you proper.

I tried to be a mentor and a friend, and a mama and a papa too.

And insulate you from any outside source of fright.

And make bloody certain you’ll never see another

Dark, sad, lonely night.

Batman: As I look at my life I see something’s not right

Like a thousand percent.

And I wonder what it is, how it is that it’s always just me here

Crying alone at the end of the night, ten thousand percent.

Put most of the blame on Alfred.

How come he couldn’t take the bullet intended for mama and papa?

I never had a pony. I never had pets.

Just a bullshit butler, who builds bullshit jets.

Oh! I’m falling apart, I need a friend.

Somebody to hold on to. Somebody to confide in.

Think of the children, next time you gun down their mama and papa.

Because they probably don’t have another mama and papa.

I was seein’ a girl for a while, a couple days anyway

And I told her I loved her.

She said you’re such a good friend and that rash is bad

You should really go see a doctor.

Then she just disappeared, sent me some text about bad timing

And my love being selfish.

Then my doctor called up and the blood came back and as it turns out

I’m allergic to peanuts and shellfish.

I loved peanuts and shellfish once.

I’m falling apart, I’m lacking punch.

I can barely eat. This morning I barely touched my brunch.

Two spoons of oatmeal, a couple of nuts, and half a banana.

And like my soul, the banana was bruised and black.

I’m falling apart, I need a friend.

Somebody to hold on to, somebody to confide in.

Somebody to ride in the cockpit

Co-captain of the friendship ship.

Or maybe just a friend ship.

If I had a buddy, we could discuss

Just what we call friendship.

I want to be somebody’s buddy

Somebody who can be my buddy back.

I want to be somebody’s buddy

Anybody but a dumbshit butler.


Superman: I want to be somebody’s buddy

Somebody who can be my buddy back.


Green Lantern: I want to be somebody’s buddy

Somebody who can be my buddy back.


Batman: I want to be somebody’s buddy.

External LinksEdit

Buy "Dark, Sad, Lonely, Knight" on Bandcamp

Ad blocker interference detected!

Wikia is a free-to-use site that makes money from advertising. We have a modified experience for viewers using ad blockers

Wikia is not accessible if you’ve made further modifications. Remove the custom ad blocker rule(s) and the page will load as expected.